Things to Stop Doing

As I’ve been focusing more and more on the minimum standards that I want to maintain, it has led me to think about the things that aren’t aligned to what I want and the person I want to be, and should therefore stop doing. Not that one can instantly break or amend bad habits. These are rather works in progress, along with some commentary on why I am in the process of stopping 

Binge Watching Great TV Series

The Pitt is an exceptional TV show. Only recently discovering it meant my wife and I had all 15 episodes of season one available to watch. We binged it. Parts of our day better suited to do other things were spent in front of the TV not that I am against great TV. Rather, the hook of a great TV show needs to be tamed. We are trying to view it as a treat. An episode one or two times a week enjoying the slow burn. Reclaiming nights the rest of the week for activities better suited to us and our lives, such as a weekly check-in, planning trips and activities, and reading. 

If you are after a quality show recommendation, though, I do highly recommend The Pitt. 

Not Taking Appropriate Action

We’ve all been here. Something important needs to happen and we don’t want to do it. So we procrastinate and put it off. We didn't have a difficult conversation earlier. We let things slide in our own standards for a bit because things get tough. We abandon a project or interest because it got difficult. My focus here is to do things when they need to be done. Yes, we might prefer to sleep in more, or not have any friction in life, but that’s not what it actually means for us to be an excellent person. There are appropriate actions for us to take and at the same time will bring about some discomfort in us during the moment. But comfort is not the point. It’s being fulfilled and doing what’s appropriate in our situation. For me that means bringing a Stoic-inspired lens to the actions that I take.

This avoidance and not taking appropriate action also manifests as a default for me to play it safe. I hesitate to take the big swing. And there are justifiable reasons for that. I have a young family and a mortgage, and want to ensure that we continue to save money and can do exciting things as a family. That means my own business ideas have stayed sidelined for years. I haven’t taken the big leap in writing more, promoting myself, running occasional workshops to help others in my local community outside of my involvement with Brisbane Stoics. 

Yet when I think about what is appropriate and what I should be doing, it is contributing and doing more. Taking these big swings. Organising workshops. Studying. Creating more events. Stepping up. Creating space and time by eliminating what’s not important and aligned. 

Wrestling With the Natural Flow

At times I can get frustrated at the lack of progress towards things or circumstances I find myself in and try to force my will onto a natural process. I am better at bringing myself to a smooth flow of nature, and it is a work in progress. 

What do I mean?

You’ve enjoyed a lovely walk and now need to power through breakfast and have a quick shower to get the bus you want. Your daughter has other ideas today, and wants to draw and play rather than eat. Nowadays, it’s accepting this flow and enjoying the moment. I can encourage my daughter to eat, draw something on the whiteboard, and still get to work at an okay time even if it is not the bus I wanted or had planned to take. 

More important are these ordinary moments and finding the magic in them as they present themselves. We have drawn some pretty rad things, which wouldn’t have happened if I was focused on a bus and getting out the door as quickly as possible. 

Doing Things Alone

As a guy, we have tendencies to want to do things alone. To be the provider for our family. To not worry or burden them with concerns. To protect them. Which can put us in an isolated space. I’m fortunate to have some great friends who I can chat to about things and sound out my thought processes and action plans. But not everyone has that, and I still try to do things alone. A focus for me this year is to build out an inner circle of men that I can both support and help, and ask for help and support from. 

Having a group of trusted friends allows for an external perspective that is needed to identify what is truly aligned and what are the appropriate actions to take.

Celebrate What’s Stopping

We regularly celebrate all of the new things that are happening, for good reason. The new workout routing. New job. New approach or outlook or philosophy we are implementing and working towards living. 

Equally important is celebrating what we are stopping when we recognise it’s not aligned with what we want. It takes courage to identify this and take steps, especially if this goes against what may be a common or popular opinion. 

The ultimate reward for stopping these things is the space created for true alignment, allowing me to focus on what truly matters and solidify the minimum standards that define the person I want to be.